Let’s be realistic. During a thirty-second introduction, you might be able to shake a hand, share your name, and perhaps learn the name of the person that you are meeting. You cannot realistically form a friendship in this amount of time; friendships are not formed in thirty seconds. But, as many people who teach in the field of hospitality have observed, it is also impossible for a friendship to start without the first thirty seconds! Don’t let this opportunity slip by!
The point of hospitality teams and the W.E.A.V.E. is to turn random interactions into significant engagement, which is the fourth key component of a culture of hospitality.
W: Welcome on a personal level
E: Empathize; truly listen
A: Acknowledge the concerns and needs of those you meet
V: Verify all needs have been met
E: Exit on a personal level
W: Welcome on a Personal Level
This doesn’t mean that ushers should intrude on the personal space of someone walking in the door. Nikki, standing at the door, shouldn’t hand the newcomer a bulletin or program and say, “Hi! I’m Nikki. What’s your name?” This approach is too intrusive.
Nikki should be trained to have her radar on. She should do more than simply smile and with rote, robotic tenor say, “Good morning” to everyone walking in. But not much more.
She could say something like (if, for instance, there has been a storm earlier in the morning), “Good morning. Were the roads pretty tough with all the rain?” Or, if someone comes in wearing a Dallas Cowboys sweatshirt, “Good morning. Go Cowboys!”
Wherever appropriate, people who want to create a culture of hospitality will learn that fine balance between being personal and being respectful of personal space, between being friendly and being intrusive.
Practice, practice, practice, and utilize role-play during training.
Wrong: “Wow! That dress sure looks good on you!”
Right: “Good morning. Oh, such a cute baby! How old?”
E: Empathize; Truly Listen
Speaking of the above example of right and wrong, consider the following exchange between a greeter (who would make any preacher proud) and a young couple, probably coming to the church for the first time. The woman held tight to the hand of a toddler; the husband carried a baby in a bulky, plastic carrier.
Greeter: “Good morning.” (Looking in the carrier at the baby) “Oh, cute outfit! She looks about the same age as ours.” Then addressing the toddler, the usher quickly commented, “I bet you make a good big brother!”
The young family paused briefly just inside the doorway. The mother smiled and replied, “Thank you.”
Said dad, beaming, “Yep, he’s a good helper.”
Then suddenly, the mother commented to no one in particular: “We’re having a hard time deciding if he’s old enough to go to a funeral.”
The greeter, a young mother herself, truly empathized, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Whose funeral, may I ask?”
Mom: “Bill’s sister’s baby—a little girl, stillborn.” She teared up, then caught herself and continued, “Oh, I’m sorry.” She said, extending her hand, “I’m Sheila and this is my husband, Bill, and of course our little guy, Ro, and his new baby sister, Chloe.”
Bill: “Yeah, it’s tough. We weren’t expecting it; nobody was, not even the doctor. It was just time for delivery, and something went way wrong. We don’t know what to do. They are having a little memorial service for the baby tomorrow morning. My folks are coming in from Iowa; they thought they would be coming to babysit . . .” His voice trailed off.
A: Acknowledge the Concerns and Needs of Those You Meet
The conversation continued like this.
Greeter: “Fortunately I haven’t had to face that. I can only imagine it must be so terribly hard. One of my friends in our Tuesday morning mother’s group did suffer through a similar tragedy not long ago, though her baby hadn’t gone full term.”
Sheila: “Well, it’s hell; that’s all I can tell you. Sorry, I know I shouldn’t say that in church, but everybody is in shock, and it is just so terrible.”
Greeter: “That’s okay. I understand.” Motioning to them, she politely asked, “Here; may I introduce you to the friend I told you about? She’s probably had some experience with this and might be able to help you sort out your questions about taking Ro to the service.”
As the little group walked away from the door to find the friend working the connection center booth, the greeter flagged down another person on the hospitality team to take her place at the door as she escorted Sheila and Bill and their children.
Notice that the greeter could simply and politely have said, “I’m so sorry. We’ll be praying for you.” And then she could have turned her attention toward other people coming in. But by empathizing she picked up on the emotion behind the hurt and the confusion; she truly listened. And what she heard convinced her that this situation trumped any of her other duties—she acted.
This young couple didn’t strike up a conversation with the greeter because they thought she was a pastoral counselor—they just needed to talk. They had to talk. Opportunely, this greeter’s interest in them personally, in the baby, in drawing a connection between them and her, proved to be the trigger that allowed the conversation to begin.
V: Verify All Needs Have Been Met
When the worship service was over, the greeter returned to her station, rightly guessing that the young family would leave by the same door they came in through. Seeing them shuffling through the crowd leaving, the greeter approached in an intentional way:
Greeter: “I don’t know if the service could have been helpful for your heart today, but I wanted to be sure you got to have a good conversation with my friend.”
Sheila: “Yes, she was so nice.”
Bill: “And helpful, too. She’s even arranging for some group in your church to bring a bunch of food over to my sister’s house tonight for when everyone gets here.”
Sheila: “I wish we had come to the church sooner. The funeral home is providing a preacher to say something at the memorial service, but it might have been nicer to have your pastor.”
Greeter: “That’s okay. I’m sure one of the pastors can be there, and it will be an honor just for them to be there by your side.”
Sheila: “Well, tell everyone thanks. Everyone has been so helpful; we didn’t expect anything like this.”
E: Exit on a Personal Level
The brief encounter ended like this:
Greeter: “If there is anything at all we can do for you, just let the pastor know. This is such a terrible thing and a tough time for you all. I’m so sorry.” She handed Sheila her church hospitality team calling card. “Don’t feel obligated at all, but please know I’d like to keep in touch—you are all going through so much. I don’t want to interfere, but I’m here for you if you need anything at all.”
