The goal of hospitality is not to get return customers—that’s its by-product. The goal is to reflect the welcoming, caring, loving presence of Jesus Christ. In so doing we help reduce or relieve the anxieties that another person may be feeling.
Our 5-10-link rule is a way we can make the most out of our time together. Keeping this rule in mind also helps us pay special attention to those who are first-time guests and not fall into the habit of only connecting to a handful of the same people week after week. The 5-10-link rule is something that everyone can practice to make the church a place where the connection is easy and natural. Here’s how it works:
The 5 of the 5-10-Link rule has to do with time. It states that for the first five minutes before the service begins and for the first five minutes after the service ends, you will intentionally find someone you do not know and extend a hand of friendship.
Now, please don’t be alarmed!
This is not to suggest that you shouldn’t have good friends and want to spend genuine catching-up time with them on Sunday morning. Maybe you haven’t seen your friends for a week or two; it’s expected that you would want to spend a lot of time with them. Community in the church is all about friendship! It’s great to find friends and huddle up with them and share in close relationships.
But unfortunately for many people in many churches, that’s all that happens, and then the chances are that your church will not be open and welcoming and hospitable to newer people. This doesn’t mean we are unfriendly or cliquish or that we want to build walls difficult for newer folks to penetrate. More often than not, it happens for reasons that have to do with habit and routine that result in good folks not being intentional about meeting new people.
So, how can we find the balance? It’s okay to spend ample time to be with close friends, but we must also set aside intentional time to meet and greet people we do not know. This must become a church-wide commitment if we are to develop a culture of hospitality.
Consider this: a family who has come for the first time has ideally had a good experience, listened to a good message, enjoyed great music, and felt a movement of the Holy Spirit. But as they are walking away, when they are primed to share their experience with someone else in some positive way, they go out alone. This dilutes the experience that they’ve just had.
The 10 of the 5-10-Link rule has to do with space and distance. It states that when you are huddled up with your close friends, enjoying conversation, and you see someone you do not know walking alone within ten feet of you, you will intentionally break from your close friendship group, go to that person, and extend a hand of greeting or enter into light conversation.
The key is not only to introduce yourself to that person but also to bring him or her back and introduce him or her to your friends. The goal is to make a connection! The exception would be if a person walking alone is deeply immersed in texting on his or her cell phone.
The link of the 5-10-Link rule has to do with linking people, connecting them to others of common or similar affinity.
Here is an example: After you introduce yourself to a new person named Abby, you have a brief conversation and discover she is a pilot with Southwest Airlines. You then link her—maybe walking her across the room or hallway—with your friend Brian, who is a flight attendant with Southwest. “Brian, let me introduce you to Abby; she’s a pilot with Southwest.” This link may lead to a connection that may turn into a friendship that may become a key motivator for Abby to return to the church for a second time.
The link is essential. While it is good to introduce yourself to someone else, that does not create a culture of hospitality. Lots of introductions may lead to lots of interactions, but that does not necessarily lead to lots of connections. What really makes your introduction great is when you immediately introduce or connect the person you’ve just met to someone else. The best introduction leads to connection. That is, after all, one of the underlying purposes of the church: to connect people to God, to a community of faith, and to the mission field. This starts with connecting people to each other!
